So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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