I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
