i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I stole a fireplace last night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
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