I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
