The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
we're so committed to being not committed
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
