Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
