Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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