oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize