Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
