I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
