I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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