I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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