ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
