Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
