one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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