that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I came so hard my ears popped.
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