toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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