Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
