Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
