What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
