I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
