wakey wakey hands off snakey
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
