ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
True but thats because hes a fetus.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
