Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
