I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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