Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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