if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize