I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
