She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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