It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
