i may or may not be watching the land before time
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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