I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
