Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
