youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
