So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
