Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
