so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
