just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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