I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I did not marry a roomba.
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