I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
