I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
