Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
