I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
