people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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