so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
