dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
