The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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