I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I will be naked everywhere
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
