we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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