I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
