I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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