she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
