dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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