My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
