i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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