We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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