I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
