please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
