you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize