Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize