I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
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Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
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St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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