But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
