So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
