Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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