im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
