bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
