I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
