Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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