the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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