theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
