I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
