You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
