I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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