did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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