Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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