Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
